I can’t stop procrastinating 

Such an ugly affliction!

It’s multi-syllabic and very little is known about it. Doctors don’t diagnose it, there’s no known medication or cure for it, and millions of people suffer from it.

At first you don’t even know you have it. Symptoms include losing time, over-confidence and panic attacks.

Hello, my name is Karin and I’m a procrastinator.

It starts with a deadline and the thing that needs to be done.

“But don’t worry, you have two weeks before it’s due.” 😊

What happens next is the textbook (😉) definition of this ailment:

  1. Your brain goes, “CLICK, WHIRR, slot into relevant time slot, a fortnight from now. Right! Do-able!” ✅
  2. You take out your Apple or moleskin and calendar it with a big asterisk. Now you won’t forget. 📝
  3. You head off to the mall to find that new Harry Potter your kid wants at the local Magrudy’s, but also find a great Paolo Coelho you’ve been dying to read. 📚
  4. You get home, feed everyone, toss some laundry into the machine, help spawn with homework, spend ” quality time” with the family and James Spader, check emails, get some reports done, send some emails, buy some online stuff, shower, start reading the Coelho and go to sleep. 🐱
  5. Repeat steps 3 & 4, with minor variations in 3, for two weeks.

Then, one day before the thing is due, your colleague/ boss/ hubby/ daughter/ cat reminds you that the thing is due, via phone call/email/ cross look and a snarky comment/ sulky voice with crossed arms/ plaintive meow – and suddenly your world comes crashing down.

Your heart races, knees get weak, arms get heavy, you feel the warmth leave your body, you look for available exits and you consider lying. 😔

Sometimes you do, ” Yeah, sure, I’ve just got to make a few more tweaks and I’ll get it to you ASAP!”

Problem is, it’s nowhere near done.

You scramble, looking for the notes in the bloody moleskin you think you forgot in your desk drawer at work, or Apple has a glitch that made you delete the reminder ( forcing you to make a new note to contact Apple Support Services!), god knows when!

You have several mini strokes and feel what you imagine to be a heart attack coming on. You frantically toss your work bag upside down for something, ANYTHING (!)that will lead you to the thing. 

Hubby gives you a knowing look, plugs in your laptop, asks, “Coffee?”, with that side-eye he’s perfected. You nod and start working, praying that you’ll be able to finish the thing and get some sleep tonight.

But a part of you knows you’ll be functioning on autopilot the next day and that your blood will be at least 90% caffeine if a cop should breathalyzer you.

This is not an anomaly.

You clearly remember cramming the night before every major exams you ever took. 😰

You still have nightmares of the time you were putting together an hour long PPt the night before your presentation. 😮

There’s that one time you were supposed to get the tickets and spent the next 24 hours phoning every travel agent in creation to secure them, on the day the holiday started!😕

Also the one time you had to order the Guipure lace for your sister’s wedding dress from a lady in Joburg, and your dad ended up paying a crapload more for the real deal from France. 😣

So many bad bad memories! So why does it keep happening?

🤷🏽‍♀️

Literally, this is how you procrastinate. Pretend you’re thinking about something deep and existential while wearing a black poloneck!
I keep meaning to Google it, but…

Oh look, there’s a new video of a cat saying “I wuv you!”

…and see this moerse discount on the new 4×4!

…and OmG did I tell you what happened…

Until next I blog,

K.

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